By The Editors of

There oughta be a law
Unsatisfied with his sandwich, Reginald Peterson contacted a higher authority. Unfortunately for the Florida man, the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office seemed unwilling to respond to the customer’s complaint about his Subway sandwich. According to an arrest report, Peterson called 911 to complain that employees at the Subway had left off certain ingredients from his sandwich. When police didn’t come, Peterson began yelling at employees and customers before stepping outside to dial 911 again. Shortly after, an officer arrived to lecture Peterson on the proper use of emergency services. But Peterson became belligerent and was eventually arrested.

Baseball block
It’s no secret China’s repressive communist government blocks numerous websites that could fuel dissension amongst the proletariat. Internet surfers in China won’t be able to access pictures of Tiananmen Square or read up on the Falun Gong—both taboo subjects in China. But Rocky Mountain News reporter Daniel Oshinsky made an odd discovery while browsing the web on assignment to cover the Beijing Olympics: China also bans the baseball blog Visitors to the baseball site won’t find criticism of the communist government. Instead the site began as a lampoon on the ESPN baseball commentator who derided the use of statistical analysis to evaluate players. “Maybe they’re against those who lurk in their mother’s basement, thumbing through the dusty box scores in old editions of Sporting News,” Oshinsky mused on his newspaper blog.

Weed killer
Thanks to the patient plodding of a box turtle and the diligent tracking of a National Park Service employee, U.S. Park Police in Washington, D.C., uncovered a small garden of marijuana plants and its teenage tender. The park employee had rigged a small box turtle with a GPS device to track it as it wandered through Rock Creek Park. Along its way, the turtle stumbled upon a marijuana farm, which the employee then discovered.  Park Police put surveillance on the site until they found 19-year-old Isiah Johnson tending the illegal plants. The Maryland teen faces charges of possession with intent to distribute.

Skirt chaser
Letter carrier Dean Peterson isn’t Scottish, but he’s on a campaign to make the classic fashion for male Scots—the kilt—a uniform option for Postal Service employees. “In one word, it’s comfort,” Peterson told the Associated Press. The letter carrier, who weighs in at 250 pounds, says slacks chafe against his thighs. Last month at his union’s convention he made the case for the kilt option: “Please open your hearts—and inseams—for an option in mail carrier comfort!” But the union decided against a kilt resolution. Now he’s trying to convince management that he’ll be a better worker in a kilt. “It’s the difference,” he said, “between wearing jammies to bed and wearing your work clothes to bed.”

Wannabe cop
Teenager Myko Coker Jr. thought his father’s position as a deputy with the Broward County (Fla.) Sheriff’s Office would protect him. It turns out, his father brought him to justice. On July 29, Coker took his father’s unmarked patrol car out at about 4 a.m. and made a number of traffic stops. After receiving a call from one motorist, a local police officer stopped the 18-year-old and questioned him. Coker, who was wearing a Broward Sheriff T-shirt, convinced the cop he was in fact an undercover Sheriff’s deputy. But as the officer drove away, he saw Coker make a suspicious U-turn and pull over another vehicle. The officer, Rod Hailey, once again stopped Coker and asked him to show a badge or firearm. Coker could not. Again, Hailey let him go, but then drove to Coker’s home and talked to his father, Myko Coker Sr. The father and 11-year force veteran called his son and had him arrested when he returned home. The boy faces charges of grand theft auto and impersonating a police officer.