News You Can Use

Daily Best of the Web   —   Posted on March 13, 2014

The following is an excerpt from’s “Best of the Web” written by the editor, James Taranto.

kangarooNews You Can Use
“Kangaroo Meat ‘Halal*,’ Turkey’s Religious Affairs Directorate Says”–headline, Hurriyet Daily News, March 11
[*denoting or relating to meat prepared as prescribed by Muslim law]

Where Every State Is a Red State 
“The United States of China”–headline, New York Times, March 12

The Lonely Lives of Mathematicians 
“Mathematicians Claim to Have Discovered the Formula for Love”–headline,, March 12

Question and Answer–II

  • “What Would Jimmy Carter Do?”–headline,, March 11
  • “Jimmy Carter Coming to Andersonville on March 27”–headline,, March 12

Bottom Stories of the Day

  • “Fatah Refuses to Recognize Jewish State”–headline, Agence France-Presse, March 11
  • “Climate Change Not a Top Worry in U.S.”–headline,, March 12

Shaggy Dog Story? 
This story has been making the rounds, but we’re beginning to wonder if it’s a put-on. Lee Palmer of Portland, Ore., says his cat, Lux, weighs 22 pounds, which is awfully heavy but not implausibly so. He “says the animal attacked his 7-month-old child after the baby pulled its tail, and the infant “suffered a few scratches on the forehead,” the Associated Press reports. So far, so good. Having owned cats in the past, we can confirm that they have sharp claws and don’t like having their tails pulled.

Palmer told a 911 dispatcher “he kicked the cat ‘in the rear’ to protect his child,” whereupon “the animal then ‘just went off over the edge’–leading Palmer and his girlfriend to barricade themselves, their baby and the family dog in the bedroom for safety.” Police arrived on the scene “to capture the animal.” The latest development, according to the AP, is that Palmer and his girlfriend “say they’re not giving up on their pet and are getting it medical attention and therapy.”

Is it really possible that two adults are so dominated by a cat? The only reasonable theory we can think of is that this is literally a family of mice.

For more “Best of the Web” click here and look for the “Best of the Web Today” link in the middle column below “Today’s Columnists.”