The following is an excerpt from OpinionJournal.com’s “Best of the Web” written by the editor, James Taranto.

Bottom Stories of the Day

  • “Las Cruces Flat Enchilada Record Stands”–headline, El Paso Times, Oct. 19
  • “Money to Play Key Role in US Election Campaign”–headline, Voice of America website, Oct. 18
  • “Wayne Newton Endorses Harry Reid”–headline, Newsmax.com, Oct. 18

The First Hundred Years
The New York Times sets out in search of the secrets of the superannuation. Phil Damsky, 100, tells this story:

We go out to lunch every once in a while. So we went to a [restaurant], and there were eight or nine of us. Somebody told the manager that I was 100 years old. So the manager said that they’d pay for the meal–we didn’t have to pay for the meals.

It’s not exactly the secret to a long life, but at least now we know the secret of a free meal. Damsky adds: “I thought I was going to live forever, but there’s no such thing.”

Hazel Miller, also 100, gives the lie to that claim, however. She says: “There’s no secret about it, really. You just don’t die, and you get to be 100.” Actually, if you just don’t die, you will live forever.

For more “Best of the Web” click here and look for the “Best of the Web Today” link in the middle column below “Today’s Columnists.